The Walking Dead #147

Plot

Eugene pitches Rick the idea of using Lydia against Alpha as a form of payback for the recent massacre of the colony members. He argues that Lydia has killed people as well and has lost her innocence, even going so far as to say they would kill Lydia if the Whisperers call their bluff. Rick dismisses the idea several times saying that the girl is still a child, and she will not be put in any more danger. Andrea asks Eugene to leave, and he storms out of the house.

After Eugene's departure, Rick and Andrea speak about how Lydia will not be safe as long as Eugene and the other survivors have the same idea in their heads. Andrea agrees to escort Carl and Lydia to the Hilltop until the hostility blows over and they can form a more concrete plan.

Sometime in the night, Andrea wakes Carl and has him get prepared for the trip to the Hilltop, explaining the situation and that Lydia is downstairs and ready. Carl asks his father if they'll be safe at the Hilltop seeing as Alpha killed some of their residents, but Rick assures him that he will have a word with Maggie about the matter. Andrea, Carl and Lydia begin their trek in the night.

After their leave, Michonne is shown stealthily sneaking into the Grimes house, katana drawn, and sneaking up the stairs. When Rick pulls a gun to the back of her head, she explains that she was only trying to find Lydia and get her to safety. She fills Rick in with how Eugene's words are getting around town, and that tomorrow will be a very rough day for Rick. They go to the kitchen and talk over drinks.

Rick breaks the ice and asks Michonne how she has been holding up since Ezekiel was killed. She begins to cry a bit, explaining that she is upset and angry, then tries to dismiss it and leave, but Rick tells her to wait. He explains that she needs to stop pushing people away.

Rick begins to open up to Michonne, telling her about how he had started to grow distant towards Lori when he was still a police officer. His work brought to him experiences that Lori would have a hard time sharing even if he wanted to, making his emotional reactions increasingly inescrutable to Lori. When he found out about her and Shane, he did not really blame either of them, but he was still hurt. By contrast, Andrea and Rick have lived through a lot of significant experiences together. They understand each other and have no secrets from each other. They have bonded and grow together to an extent that he did not even think possible before. Rick feels closer to Andrea than he ever was to Lori.

Rick goes on to speculate that perhaps Michonne has a bad habit of feeling undeserving of happiness. Rick feels that Michonne let her ex-husband have the custody of her two daughters and pushed Ezekiel away from her life because at some level she wants to punish herself for no good reason.

He goes on to offer that Michonne is likely to move on and learn to live and be happy despite her losses and guilts, yet deep down she will hate herself for that. Rick himself feels that he would not manage to be quite as happy as he is now had Lori and their daughter Judith not died. He would still bring them back if he had any means to, but the fact of the matter is that there is nothing he can do to advance such a goal. As such, he has to accept reality for what it is and go on despite all the conflicting feelings, as has Michonne.